Be On Your Toes, Angels

Services have just wrapped up in Atlanta for my beautiful Aunt Jane, who passed away suddenly last week.  And while I hope that the heavens prove a peaceful and happy place for her, I also grapple with the selfish sadness and fear of finality that death brings.  And curious observation of what is left behind.  I suppose that's what a legacy is...the emotions that swim in the wake of a departing ship.

In general, I wasn't very close with my Aunt Jane.  I saw her much more often when I was a kid, and I thought she was so beautiful.  SO smart.  Really clever and, above all, so funny.  She amused Marlie and I - and was amused BY Marlie and I - constantly.  I remember her dry, quippy humor and sarcastic observation so well that I can summon the sound of her voice and the look on her face just like that <snap finger>.  Her short, feathered blonde hair and that crooked mouth that barely moved when she spoke...just like my Grandpa's.  I have such vivid memories of visiting her in my Grandparents' living room that they may well have happened yesterday.

People used to tell Marlie and I all the time that we looked like Aunt Jane, jokingly saying we could be triplets.  Though, in a heartwarming way, I can't say for sure now if it was "people" who said that, or just my Aunt Jane herself.  But my cousin Tony called the three of us Barbie Dolls, so at least one other person kept that joke going. :)

My Aunt Jane's legacy is a bit tricky, as my distance from her throughout my adult life leaves me drawing from a shallow well of direct and personal memories which, lucky for me, are happy and admirable.  But for my parents, and my Uncle, that well is much, much deeper.  I know that my Aunt Jane is not the perfect person my 8 year-old mind cemented into my memory.  How could anyone live up to an 8 year-old's vision?  So much of my experience with her life is indirect.  I know she could be as troubled and difficult as she was intelligent and witty.  As much a good conversationalist as a pain in the ass.  So on this day, I toe the line of holding my own personal memories dear, while appreciating the whole of the woman I barely knew, who was a daughter, a sister, a partner, and a friend to many.  The Barbie Doll, and the Human.

As my sister said the other day, alarm bells are going off in Heaven. Look out everyone, you've got an adventure on your hands.  Grab your wits and your smarts, cause Aunt Jane is going to find Grandpa and seek out some debate.  Better be on your toes, angels.